the way my throat
refuses to swallow when i think of you
and the way my heart
beats a little faster

the way tears come to my eyes and i
can’t believe that you’re with me
the way you forgive me for all the times
i dissapoint you

the way my heart
breaks when i think of hurting you
and the way my voice
can’t seem to find the words

the way tears come to my eyes when i
realize that you’re with me
the way you forgive me for all the times
i couldn’t find the words

to say that i love you

Gabriel

it’s like something washing over me
like drowning and remembering it
it’s like dying every time i see you

my lungs fill with water and i choke

you weren’t there to keep me dry
weren’t there holding my hand
you were just busy finding the perfect words

my lungs fill with water and i choke

i can’t hear you speaking those words
you’re too late to say goodbye
my lungs filled with water and you choked me

Gabriel

i noticed the change
of the tone of your voice
it was screaming
i am a liar
i noticed the way
your eyes never met mine
they were mouthing i fucked her

all the times you screamed at me
the times you called me a liar
it feels so fucked up
you fuck too much
you’ve always been a liar

you must have known
of the feelings i had
you always would say
i love you back
you must have seen
the look in my eyes
we always were good at pretending

all the times you screamed at me
the times you called me a liar
it feels so fucked up
you fuck too much
you’ve always been a liar

i’d run my fingers down your back
dig into the skin
you said those fingers made you
fall in love with me each night again

so did she sratch a little harder?
shout your name a little louder?
did she say it didn’t matter?
how crazy were you about her?

all the times you screamed at me
(i’d always be reassuring you)
the times you called me liar
(i’d always feel i’d done something wrong)
it feels so fucked up
(didn’t we fuck enough?)
you fuck too much
(i guess we didn’t)
you’ve always been a liar

i wish i could say
i hate your guts
i wish i could believe that
i wish i could say
i didn’t want you back
i’ve always been a lousy liar

i noticed the way
your eyes never met mine
they were mouthing
i am a liar

Gabriel

i just love to watch the tears
splatter on the bed
and how the white turns gray
i know i’m seeing black

i’ll smile and say
it’s all okay
i’ll laugh and shout
that i’m allright

i’ll fill my pen with blood
and write untill all’s gone
read the words that make me want
to cut myself again

i’ll write you one last poem
once more i’ll spill my guts
you’ll say i have a fine fist
and then you’ll go to bed

i’ll smile and say
it’s all okay
but it isn’t and you
have gone to bed

i wonder if in the morning
you’ll notice that i’m not here
or has someone else already
unnoticedly taken my place?

Gabriel

een blik in je ogen die duidt op verdriet
ik kan er niets aan doen dat jij hiervoor kiest
en elke keer die woorden maar
die steken in m’n hart, je zei
“ik hou van je”, maar waarom
geloof ik het dan niet?

ik sluit m’n ogen en tranen komen als vanzelf
ik proef de smaak op m’n lippen
de gedachte aan jou in m’n hoofd
en niets is nog mooi, ik kan alles wel slaan
maar het is veel te donker en ik moet maar gaan

“je bent beter af zonder me” klinkt zo cliché
maar ik doe je enkel maar pijn
ik help niemand ermee
één jaar en zestien dagen verder
maar waar zijn we beland?
zelfs al deden we alles over
is ‘t het wel waard?

ik sluit m’n ogen en tranen komen als vanzelf
ik proef de smaak op m’n lippen
de gedachte aan jou in m’n hoofd
en niets is nog mooi, ik kan alles wel slaan
is het te laat, want ik wil helemaal niet gaan…

Gabriel